Holding Multiple Emotions

A lesson for life and for sport

It has been a week. Last Saturday we had a fire in our garage. The contents thereof burned and are thoroughly destroyed. That which did not burn was heated up to a place that it likely is not safe to use. The fire did damage, but not nearly the damage as the smoke. Smoke quickly spread through the attic and then squeezed down into the house inundating our clothes and most of, if not all of our possessions on the ground floor. Needless to say we are out of our house for at least a year and we will have a long and arduous journey ahead of us to rebuild and recover. It has been hard from a time and logistics perspective as we are dealing with insurance, trying to find alternate housing and one of our two cats has not returned after, no doubt, having quite a scare.

Despite all of this, life goes on as it must. Work, kid’s school and activities, family obligations and milestones ,like my son’s birthday, do not stop just because we are having a hard time. We and our kids are sad. We’re missing our sweet cat, we have no place of our own and nothing but what has been given to us (thank you all for the unreal support by the way) or bought for us. That being said, the pure amount of loved items that we and the boys have accumulated over the years are likely gone and definitely unavailable to us for a long time. The feeling of all of this accumulates and is overwhelming at times. At the same time, there are lacrosse games, school performances, playtime in the backyard, dinner with family and the list goes on and on. In those times we laugh, joke and are genuinely happy and not only are we allowed to be, we deserve to experience that joy.

In the middle of last week I was driving my son to practice and he was noticeably quiet. When I asked what was wrong he responded by saying, “i don’t know. I’m just a little sad.” We then listed the things that each of us was sad about. It was a lengthy list, but then I asked him if he had fun that day. The answer was a resounding yes after which he listed events at school and time at home. I went on to explain to him, and as a reminder to me, that we can have multiple emotions, even contradictory ones, in ourselves at the same time. Where there is deep sadness, there can also be joy.

Our job is to allow the space for all of those emotions. That’s not to say we can create joy in times of sadness, but we can be with the people that bring us joy. We can seek out joyous endeavors and activities. By contrast, in times of great joy, there is space for doubt, anxiety and sadness. It helps us to appreciate our ups and prepare in a way for the downs that inevitably come. As a colleague of mine says often, “ never get too high, never get too low.” This is critical in life, but is present in sport as well. With confidence comes doubt and with achievement may come critical thinking and even frustration. We need to welcome them all in order to lead balanced lives. Life is not about avoiding sorrow, but instead knowing that it may be behind that bend up ahead and building our capacity to endure it. All the while knowing that when it comes, we have places in our lives where we can make space for joy amid that sadness.

We, as a family, have received so much support and love and are trying hard to allow space for that in our lives right now. While we will toil and stress we will also laugh and love. That, to me, is the key. Our newest job is to remember to make space.